I just pynch a tree in the face
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
