Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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