I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
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DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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