A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
