Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
ok first of all what the fuck
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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