Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
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Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
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I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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