I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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