Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
