if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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