at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
