while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
