now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
