My Higher Power is John Stamos
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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