just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
