I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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