We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
They took my balls.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
