guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
