My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
