So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
