My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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