I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
