I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
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Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
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Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
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