Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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