Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
