The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
