Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
