If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
