I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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