Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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