Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
