If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
