i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just found puke in my bra..
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
