i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
