Whod you bang
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
