I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
