Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
