apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
