a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
