fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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