dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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