Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
