I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
