There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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