Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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