If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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