mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
