4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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