Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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