Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
