you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
