So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
