I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
