these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
