I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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