so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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