Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
