Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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