WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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