i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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