The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
