They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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