I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
