no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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