she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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