I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
