Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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