I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
