Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
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I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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