i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
